She said, “I used to be a dreamer like you, you know. A long time ago.” She peered off into the distance, as if looking for the very moment she gave up on her dream. “I used to be a dreamer like you,” she repeated, “until my whole world was just…sucked away.” Suck said for itself how it felt, and the feeling was plastered all over her face so that you didn’t need to imagine the dismay. Like may was lost and then suddenly disappeared. Like hope was all you had and it was slaughtered before your face before you even reached the corner around which you would find it after turning right and going down the road a bit. She said it with such feeling in a monotone, and though talking, was far from me. She said she had never thought it before, that something like that could happen. “I mean of course they talk about these things existing but you think ‘Never in a million years’ and by then you’ll be dead so of course you would never get to see it!” She was rambling to herself by this, having already completely forgotten that I was there. Her exasperated breaths add wonder to her disposition, and you wonder that a thing could be so alive yet so empty in the same instant. Not quite opposites but close, like death and youth juxtaposed in one like H and O. Like you wanna be near it but you’re scared it could blow. Like “‘Whoa o.O!’ and ‘Oh O.Q ..'”
“Wait a minute…” She slowly comes back and gains awareness of her environment. She looks at me, and laughs at whatever expression I was making, not like I was funny, but like her mind just queued laughter. So she was laughing. It was sudden and sweet and over in a minute. She fanned her hand as if waving away the memory of the place she had just been so she could return to where I am.
“I mean, I literally watched my home planet get sucked away into a black hole.” She was like, “Who the bloody hell ever thinks of seeing THAT happen?! [With the gestures and expression of “WhatTheFuck” Universe moments], am I right?”
Photo courtesy of: #ToyPhotographer