I was talking with my father recently and he said to me that he has wasted his time & money on me. And well, that did not break me so much as I would have thought, except that I realise that I have been feeling rather guilty about being alive. It is like as though this life business is a tremendous responsibility and one is suddenly born and forced into a whole bunch of stuff and told they not only must appreciate it, but then too are expected to do a bunch of worthwhile stuff. Like schools and jobs and social things. And one must be burdened by the implication that one has no choice but to partake of this and that and can do no other than such & such. And what if one wishes for neither of these things? But let’s back up.
We asked for none of this as it becomes apparent, but did we really not? Sperm swim mad hard to get to egg and fertilize, and still must work hard to burrow in deep and make it in before some other guy. But check this, are all sperm not created equal? If it is to be one sperm versus another, would it be some other Joe or Jane and not me? And so we’ve got the survival of the fittest bit coming in real soon and real quick. Was I…fighting for the win or did I just happen to be the victor? So it is like as though life is just one great fight after another, and then death & then it all plays over again? But double back again some more; consciousness. At what point did I decide that, “I want this?” Did I just get to be born and must fight real hard to find or define purpose? Was I already born with that burning desire for this life business? And if it is surely that, how then do I seem not to be born with any burning desire for this? Further, was I robbed, then, of something tremendously great and voted most likely most essential at birth by my parents due to their own thoughts & desires on how I ought be and what sort of life I ought create? Further still, how then do they dare, with any of the various things? Surely, surely this last is some manner of mistake.. OO?
On another note almost entirely, how to retrieve an inconceivable thing one can scarcely but imagine?
Dreams. We do them because they are different than what reality brings. Why then dream of reality things? Who does dream and to reality clings? It is a sign of wanting, that one should covet when one wakes that waking does break the only true beauty in living: Dreaming. And that dreams should be the only true beauty in living, is not that life’s prime sad thing? The true meaning behind maddening? The mystifying basis of wanting, that one should live one’s whole life wanting to escape; and that there should be no safe place save when not awake. And yet it is the waking – that which is living – and that sleep be Death’s cousin, could that be why we ache for dying? Why we fear death but resign ourselves for its taking..?
The questions resound, all, for contemplating and, resonating, do add clarity to my day.
Writing on the wheel
Rabbit’s got the fuckers
And the farmer didn’t squeal
Stay lining like the bakers and the heel
Makers and the reel
Flakers and a Queen
Empress on the scene
Force is never seen
Horses never ween
Cost of butter creme
Pies ain’t never been
Lost in rhyming timing
Now the Sea just got the Z
Zee zazzer feddy woppin’ to the top
Went to see the bottom now I’m heading up the gwop
Lost with no words
Swerve without curve
Chains gettin’ tighter till you don’t know what you’re worth
Babies stay bawlin’
Bringin’ on the calming
Momma’s here hon, don’t you worry
What’s the problem?
This is not the playground This is the mad wild Where big dogs fuck around We lunge at sharks and- - Call me the king wolf
We won't back down ‘cause We hold the kingdom We’s who the kings from Deez nuts have the king’s son Bring your lion king come We'll have piece for supper Brag about a lioness The wolf bitch is tougher *scoff Jumping through the fire rings but Can't tame the fire Try to buy a warrior Must kill to get her skin Wonder wonder wonder Cannot figure what's within Try to replicate the kin The fear devours from within Snap back and your head’s gone We wandering for chill Locked us In the madhouse just Can’t find the right pill Even after My blood spills It still screams Kill KILL So they threw us to the wind Hope to see us never ‘gain But the sea just never end And the free just never blend Try deceive us Never win Because truth lies In the darkness & that's just where we hang No knot from the limb Tell them try that shit again We'll see if niggers never win Photo: Screenshot from Huawei Honor 8 of Akame ga Kill on Anime1 app.
The Dawn of Death
– with bated breath
Comes to call anew
To mark the day
– without delay
Of my dreams becoming true
Pieces, break it into
Reces, make it in too
Feces, what’s the doo
For the freaks too
And the eeks brew
For the fleeks flew
Keep the safe and take the wedding
Free the flakes and kill the prison
Freeze the fro
– it glistens
All the hears without having listen
Shiver in the Winter kitch’n
Break the bones the blood will flow there
Park the hoes the Empress goes here
Judgement comes, the Preacher’s nowhere
Plant your dreams to make them grow
Plant your dreams and make them grow
Fertilise this Earth with trash
Wash your systems, watch them crash
Find the Oceans, make a splash
Set my mind to ease,
Fashioned to a rhythm of Trees
Bid the wild to still my heart
So my soul can lead.
– the night is lost!
Journey to The King.
Move the man to do his part
Ne’er a blind eye be turning,
Break the lock which keeps us barred
Ever from our hearts within
A fine place which I find myself is: Marijuana, or food? It is not well-known, I do not think, that I am not too fond of eating. Except that I do love to. But for the entrapment and the killing and the whathaveyou. And so Marijuana or food?
Fine choice that, as one rages like the monkey on my back, and the other a babe that just will not soothe. And what of it then I wonder, Marijuana or food?
But the one doth cry that they are not same, and the one satiates while the other permeates with the brain. And say now I wonder, if you are not slain, satiate the belly or permeate the brain? Like when one learns one will not go wanting, but hunger shall come again.
And so dare I ask it once again? To live in peace or to die in vain?
Free the all and the lost forgotten
Scratched on repeat now spoiled rotten
Lost and nevermore to wake
Torn to know no whole
Ranked to spite the role
Flocks of underroll beneath the crepe’s stay flexing no dessert-fast make.
But be gone now or stay forever
From the engled strife past beyond where winter fried last fallspringsummer cast
Bummer how the comers passed
Going off past Future’s pass
Standing on you watch them go
Daring not to let them know you cannot think which way to go
But it is Monday,
And I am at the helm.